An ode to my "friends"

Your soft blue color it calls my name

It eases the mind and my stress is tamed

Relaxation takes over my mind and sight

I'm feelin good in the day and the night

When life is too much to handle or bear

I see you and comfort is right there

And when you aren't accessible to me

A bottle of Henny knows where to find me.

He makes me warm and all fuzzy inside

I can always rely and in him I confide.

For you both keep my secrets and never lie

You erase the thoughts of wanting to cry.

My reliable friends how can I thank you?

But to Indulge and partake as I usually do

untitled ( older work )

Sometimes I think I'm crazy
or Bipolar, or skitzo or manic.
I strive to be a perfectionist
and some really think I am it.
"She can cook, she can write,
She can sure bake a Cake"
"she's a 'nurse', she gives advice
Oh she's just so really GREAT!"
"She's a super mom, she's an artist
Man I couldn't do what you do!"
"She's a true friend, she'll always be there
And she's got all the answers too!"
But they don't see the real me
the one who feels so fake.
The one who's been suicidal and depressed
Over stresses she just cant take
Do they see the sad me, the angry one
who just feels like she can't do right?
The one who keeps things bottled in
But let's it flow in her tears at night?

unwriters block.... (older random stuff)

I havent been able to write
So something bust be wrong.
You can tell by how my heart
Is pouring out its sorrow song.

inVALIDATED

I love you MORE than you KNOW
Yet my inVALIDATION continues to grow
I barely have time for myself
Yet my feelings are thrown on the shelf
When we're happy and flowin', we're GOOD
But it's different when you look under the hood
I feel one way , you feel another
It puts a strain, and makes us wonder
You feel like you DO enough
I feel like I do TOO much
I wonder if you ever CONSIDER me
If you try to walk in my shoes and see what I see
But I know what you'll say
" I really have no reason to feel this way"
"What in my life is REALLY a stress?"
"This is the life I choose, so just do your best"
"Theres no reason to always have an attitude"
"That's why I"M always in a MOOD"
"Your never happy and I feel like it's ME"
And thats why I say you will probally never see
So we live our lives incarcerated
Continuing to feel inVALIDATED.

Jermaine (unfinished)

He stood there in his quietness
His dark complected skin
Eyes full of mystery
Lips that could make you sin
His voice as smooth as chocolate
He's calling out my name
And everytime he says it
I always feel the same
I yearn to taste his sweatness
Feel his hands caress my neck
Travel down my shoulder
And rest upon my chest...

Under Cover Lover

My thick, rich dark chocolate lover
It's too bad I gotta keep you undercover
The brown sugar sweetness of our first kiss
Damn baby, every five minutes I reminisce.
Your smooth voice that melts like butter
Makes me wonder what Its like to be yo'lover
Lips as full as a moonlit night
Oh you know we gonna do this right.
Lets take our time baby, no need to rush.
I know this caramel skin you cant wait to touch
We shoulda made this happen a long time ago
But it's all good, we'll just go with the flow
I know I cant give you alot of my time
But in the end, I'll make you mine.
I can guarantee what I got will satisfy
Shit baby boy, It might make you cry.
Naw you know I'm bullshitin' you
But for us to hook up, this we gots to do.
Forget all them haters, let 'em get suspicious
Cuz you and me baby we make delicious!

Mr. Syracuse - My Muse

I cant help it, neither can I deny. I think your fly. I dont know how it happened, I cant explain why, My only response is a "Uhhh Haaa" Sigh.

It is complete, completely so sweet, I must say. You make me feel good, Like nobody could, wont let shit get in the way.

My heart is soarin', my mind is free, tell me how can this be? I love what you say, I can listen all day, to the words you tell me.

Its amazing and true, how much I .. WHEEEW.. I just cant say! Just promise me, that forever.. in my life you will stay.

Me

I live for you.
But I want to live
For ME!
So many years
of being this
Worker Bee.
Working to please he,
Working to please she.
Never to please ME.
I've suffered so much
in this life,
Of ME.
Shutting down
My existence, jus' so
I can BE.
Living the life,
Not meant
for ME.
I'm happy
But unhappy.
You see.
I yearn to find,
Who I am.
The real ME.
The cards are dealt
I suck it up,
Unselfishly.
But behind these eyes,
lies a Fucked up
ME.
Tormented by thoughts,
of what
Could BE.
Thoughts of
ME, being
Happy.

Da Skyy is talkin...

What is it, about it all. I wish I understood, my call. I wish I had piety, instead of craving other, you see. I wish I knew, my devine decree, I wish I wasnt such a novice me. I only want, to be happy, I only want, triumph you see.

Confusion

Impossible.
Are we?
How can this be?

You say things
Assume things.
Embed them in your head.

Even tho'
they many not necessarily
be so.

So many problems,
It seems we have.
It makes me sad.

And frustrated.
And ashamed
that we cant pull thru.

What should we do?

Happiness is my desire.
I see now its yours too.
Honestly, true.

Seeking separate ways.
A relationship concave.
Possible to save?

Still, I love you.

Communication they say is key.
Non existent with you and me.
Holding back emotionally.

I dont blame you for the demise.
Dont hold onto the times I cried.
Healed with the passing of time.

Life is a great unknown.
Its work trying to build a home.
Especially with seeds sewn.

Who really decides our fate?
Times have been bad and good and great.
Time for a clean slate?

So many possibilities
For the outcome of you and me
Only time will see.

Something kept us thru to this point.
Good and bad, a unity joint.
Love is all we need, isnt that the point?

We. Hopefully not you. Me.

speak on it

When you in a situation, situated and into ya dwelling comes a diversion.
Words spoken clearly, and accepted; No claim, no feelings no allegiance.
Just for enjoyment with no other reasons. Encounters transpire.

Sans souci.

But emotions sensate. Begin to complicate. Showin signs of possessiveness.
I cant dismiss. Then you dis.

So now I must rectify. Forced to reserve my new intrigue. You and your rancor ways!

Damn, why it gotta turn this path?!

Ah, but lifes to short for apprehension! Makes it easy to dismiss the infatuation!